Subject: I'm still here.
Thursday, April 9, 2009 12:28 AM
that subject line begs the question- where else would I be?
I'm in the phase of grief where its the little things that are killing me. the things I did before I was pregnant, that I still have to do now. Pay the bills, look friendly at work, act like I'm listening when people are talking, feed the dog, etc, the list goes on. Why do these little things hurt so? because when your baby dies, you can't imagine anything ever being the same, and life can't possible go on. but it does. without your baby. and you have to participate in all these mundane rituals that life requires of you, even though you should be able to say, no, stop! my life has ended, how come the world didn't stop with me.
so back to the subject line. I guess if I had a choice, I wouldn't be here. I'd be anywhere but here.
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