We closed JJ's funeral yesterday with a slideshow of the photos we had taken of her during that brief brief time I got to hold her, and played "goodnight moon" by Jack Ingram. Her daddy stayed after the service to have some final moments with her, and then he put the disc in her casket and closed it for the last time.
today we took her to a small cemetery in Fallon, Texas, and placed her to rest at the feet of my grandmother. She wore a onesie that her grandma bought her as soon we knew of her existence, a sweater and bootie set that my grandmother knitted about 25 years ago before she passed, a Winnie the pooh hat, and her daddy placed 2 Sonic scrunchies on her leg- Daddy is a Sonic franchisee owner, and my sister was wearing one of the scrunchies when she was born. We wrapped her in a baby blanket my grandmother had knitted way back when.
my heart is broken into a thousand pieces. I just don't know what to do now, and I mark time by how long its been since I last held her, or felt her move inside me. Everything just feels wrong- my body is weak and sick, I left the hospital sunday night and have since developed pneumonia, on top of the uterine infection. my heart aches, and my family and loved ones seem to be frightened that I'm not really interested in hanging in here in this world with them. My level of faith has been mediocre at best for years, and I'm having a hard time believing that there's a better place for JJ to be other than right here, in my arms, for me to love her and mother her. I had the hardest time at the funeral resisting the urge to scoop her up and run away with her little precious body.
She was so perfect- she had my hands and feet, and my hair- lots of curly black hair, and she had Steve's chin and ears, and his nose. When she was born, we only had 4 hours to hold her, and instead of letting the nurses take her away to bathe her and clean her up, Steve convinced them to bring him warm water and soap and towels and he bathed her right near me, and she never left the room. He was so tender with her, not a single person in the room had a dry eye. He has been my rock during this time, and whatever our differences have been in the past, they just didn't seem important anymore, compared to making the arrangements to lay our daughter at rest. When he hasn't been able to leave work, my sister Sue, and my mom, Jane, have been there, even just to hold my hand all those nights in the hospitals when I'd just start crying. My sister Joelynn drove down from Austin everyday to keep me company in the hospital while I sent the others on errands to get things done for me- I had them bring bags and bags of clothes to the hospital for me to decide what JJ should wear, and they brought me a computer and helped me find songs to play during her visitation, and also had to bring clothes for me to try on- I had no maternity clothes suitable for a funeral, and didn't know what would fit at this point.
JoSuelynn Jane Menefee McNealy was 8 pounds, 5.5 ounces, 21 and 3/4 inches, born sleeping at 10:15am on November 20, 2008. You are so loved and I thank you for changing my life, my darling only child.
today we took her to a small cemetery in Fallon, Texas, and placed her to rest at the feet of my grandmother. She wore a onesie that her grandma bought her as soon we knew of her existence, a sweater and bootie set that my grandmother knitted about 25 years ago before she passed, a Winnie the pooh hat, and her daddy placed 2 Sonic scrunchies on her leg- Daddy is a Sonic franchisee owner, and my sister was wearing one of the scrunchies when she was born. We wrapped her in a baby blanket my grandmother had knitted way back when.
my heart is broken into a thousand pieces. I just don't know what to do now, and I mark time by how long its been since I last held her, or felt her move inside me. Everything just feels wrong- my body is weak and sick, I left the hospital sunday night and have since developed pneumonia, on top of the uterine infection. my heart aches, and my family and loved ones seem to be frightened that I'm not really interested in hanging in here in this world with them. My level of faith has been mediocre at best for years, and I'm having a hard time believing that there's a better place for JJ to be other than right here, in my arms, for me to love her and mother her. I had the hardest time at the funeral resisting the urge to scoop her up and run away with her little precious body.
She was so perfect- she had my hands and feet, and my hair- lots of curly black hair, and she had Steve's chin and ears, and his nose. When she was born, we only had 4 hours to hold her, and instead of letting the nurses take her away to bathe her and clean her up, Steve convinced them to bring him warm water and soap and towels and he bathed her right near me, and she never left the room. He was so tender with her, not a single person in the room had a dry eye. He has been my rock during this time, and whatever our differences have been in the past, they just didn't seem important anymore, compared to making the arrangements to lay our daughter at rest. When he hasn't been able to leave work, my sister Sue, and my mom, Jane, have been there, even just to hold my hand all those nights in the hospitals when I'd just start crying. My sister Joelynn drove down from Austin everyday to keep me company in the hospital while I sent the others on errands to get things done for me- I had them bring bags and bags of clothes to the hospital for me to decide what JJ should wear, and they brought me a computer and helped me find songs to play during her visitation, and also had to bring clothes for me to try on- I had no maternity clothes suitable for a funeral, and didn't know what would fit at this point.
JoSuelynn Jane Menefee McNealy was 8 pounds, 5.5 ounces, 21 and 3/4 inches, born sleeping at 10:15am on November 20, 2008. You are so loved and I thank you for changing my life, my darling only child.
