things I have laughed about

okay, tonight commenced day 1 of "operation exercise everyday for 10 days". I need a shorter name for it. but I did take my dog for a half mile brisk walk. we are both panting. and we stopped so a 5 yr old could say Hi to La Muttomba, and he told me that he was gonna be starting high school soon. but that he had to finish kindergarten first. then he could go to high school after that.
that made me laugh.

also, the Rock and I went to the movies last night. We saw "the Hangover". oh, that made me laugh sooo hard, for so long. I was worried about oxygen deprivation. and Mike Tyson was in it. and he was funny. that was so surprising!

had you told me 7 months ago that I'd ever laugh again, I wouldn't have believed you. and I still think that I might never laugh again after this. i dunno. I'm just so empty so much of the time. but I did laugh last night.

its been too long.

and I'm still breathing. The depression is overwhelming much of the time. its a struggle just to do what I'm supposed to do to get better: go to work, exercise, etc. I can get to work on time, now. so that's good. and I can go weeks without bursting into tears at work- usually only happens near JJ's birthday each month. But I still wake up to a damp pillow many mornings.