My work area at my temp job. i am killing trees here.

circa 1987-ish.

My bff from high school sent me this photo with the following caption: Remember the 80s?

eeek! my highschool prom picture!

crying.

i read something that another babyloss momma posted somewhere: that she cries so much at her daughter's gravesite, that she hopes the tears soak down to her daughter. I feel the same way. When I go to see JJ, I like to stay for hours. I sit in my camp chair, and wish I were there all the time. I wish I were buried there, either instead of her, or right there with her. I'm working like a maniac to pay for her headstone, I am really obsessed with having it up by her birthday. To the point that I am willing to let the house payment go late (and it has), in order to get her stone paid for. I'd like to have a bench put up, too, but maybe later. it would be nice to have a permanent place to sit, and visit with everyone- JJ, grandma, mama joe, papa joe, aunt mattie.

i forgot the point I was gonna make. but oftentimes, things are pointless. I do know that I have cried more in the last 8 and half months than I ever have in my life. I don't know where the tears keep coming from, since I feel like a dried up shell.